You Are Not Alone | A Message for Young Men, Boys and the People Who Love Them
This past week, our community lost a young man. He was nineteen years old. A friend of both of my sons. In fact, he and my youngest son were born just a day apart. Like so many who knew him, I have found myself carrying a mixture of sadness, confusion and unanswered questions. By all accounts he was well liked. A young man with friends. A young man with a future. A young man who seemed to have so much going for him. And yet, for reasons known only to him, the weight of what he was carrying became too much. As a mother, this loss has touched me deeply. As a birth attendant, it has touched me in a different way. The day we learned of his death, I had just returned from attending a beautiful birth. A little boy had been born gently through the water into his mother’s loving arms. Later he rested skin-to-skin on his father’s chest, welcomed by a family overflowing with love, wonder and belonging. As I sat with the news of this young man’s death, I found myself holding these two images side by side. A newborn baby boy entering the world. A nineteen-year-old young man leaving it. Between those two moments lies an entire lifetime. Every man was once a baby. Every man was once held. Every man somebody’s son. Every man once arrived carrying his own unique gifts, dreams and possibilities. And yet we are living in a time when many boys and young men are struggling. Loneliness is increasing. Rates of anxiety and depression are rising. Many young men feel uncertain about where they belong, what is expected of them, and where they can safely bring their fears, grief and vulnerability. As a mother of two sons, I often find myself wondering what it means to raise boys in this world. What helps a boy grow into a man who feels welcome here? What helps him know that he belongs? What helps him trust that he can ask for help when he needs it? I do not have answers. But I do believe these are questions worth asking. Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can offer our sons is not advice, solutions or certainty. Perhaps it is relationship. Perhaps it is presence. Perhaps it is creating families, friendships and communities where boys and men know they can arrive exactly as they are. Not only when they are successful. Not only when they are strong. Not only when they have everything figured out. But also when they are struggling. When they are lost. When they are hurting. When they need help. Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month invites us to have conversations that are often difficult and uncomfortable. But perhaps these conversations are necessary. Not because we have all the answers, but because silence has never been a good companion to suffering. If you are reading this and carrying something heavy, please know that you do not have to carry it alone. Reach out. Speak to a friend. Speak to a family member. Speak to a counsellor. Speak to someone. And if you are the parent, sibling, partner or friend of a young man, perhaps today is a good day to reach out. Not because you suspect something is wrong. But because connection matters. Because belonging matters. Because our sons matter. To this young man, whose life touched so many people, and to every boy and man who may be struggling silently today: You matter. Your life matters. And to his family, friends and loved ones, who now carry the...
Read MoreTHE BASIC NEEDS OF THE NEWBORN
Listening at the Threshold of Life There is a moment, just after birth, when everything is still tender, open, and profoundly alive. The newborn is adapting to life outside the womb.The mother is adapting to life with her baby in her arms.Both are exquisitely sensitive to their surroundings. How we meet this moment matters. The first hours and days after birth are not simply a time of transition; they are a time of imprinting. What is felt, sensed, and experienced here echoes forward: into bonding, regulation, health, and our capacity to meet the world. When we speak about the basic needs of the newborn, we are not speaking about techniques or protocols. We are speaking about conditions. About atmosphere. About the quality of presence offered around new life. In this reflection, we turn toward a simple yet radical orientation:zero separation and zero interruption. ––––––––– LISTENING THROUGH THE LENS OF MONTESSORI AND ODENT Looking through the lens of Maria Montessori and Michel Odent, we are invited to reconsider what care truly means in the earliest moments of life. Montessori understood that birth and early life must be protected, not managed. She spoke about the newborn as a “spiritual embryo,” a being in a profound state of formation, deeply affected by the environment into which they arrive. Privacy, warmth, continuity, and calm were not luxuries, but basic needs. Michel Odent later articulated this understanding through the language of physiology and Primal Health. He showed how early experiences shape the interaction between the primal brain, the hormonal system, and the immune system: systems that guide us for a lifetime. High levels of stress and interruption in the early hours after birth can have lasting effects on bonding, regulation, and health. Both Montessori and Odent remind us of something quietly challenging:any unnecessary help can become an obstacle. ––––––––– THE NEED FOR SAFETY, SERENITY, AND SILENCE The most fundamental need of the mother and newborn is to feel safe. Safety allows the body to soften.Serenity allows hormones to flow.Silence allows adaptation and bonding to unfold. After birth, both mother and baby are recovering from an immense physiological and emotional passage. They are learning each other. Their senses are heightened. Their nervous systems are open and impressionable. When the space around them is filled with noise, conversation, observation, or subtle interference, energy is pulled outward. When the space is quiet, respectful, and restrained, energy can turn inward: toward healing, connection, and rest. Silence is not emptiness.It is an offering. It allows mother and baby to reconnect after an abrupt separation. From this reconnection, everything else flows. ––––––––– LEARNING WITH KARIN SLABAUGH This work is at the heart of the teaching shared by Karin Slabaugh, who has dedicated her life’s work to studying, guarding, and protecting the newborn. Karin brings together Montessori’s original insights with decades of lived experience and careful observation, bridging traditional wisdom with contemporary understanding. Her work is grounded, humble, and deeply respectful of the newborn as a sensitive, relational being. Karin and I collaborate closely on the Basic Needs of Babies work, and it is a deep honour to walk alongside her in exploring how we meet life at its very beginning. You can learn more about this shared work here:https://www.montessori-for-life.org/the-basic-needs-of-babies/ ––––––––– A QUIET INVITATION When we change how we meet the newborn, we change something fundamental, not only for individual families, but for the wider culture. This reflection is an invitation to listen more closely.To protect the earliest moments of life.And to remember that sometimes the most powerful care we can offer is silence, trust, and reverence. ––––––––– This session is...
Read MoreWhen The Days Feel Full, Go To Nature
When the days feel full, go to nature You should sit in nature 20 minutes every day…Unless you are busy, then you should sit for at least an hour. I have always loved this Zen proverb. It feels simple, almost obvious. And yet, when life gathers momentum, it can be easy to forget. The pull of work, responsibility, and constant communication can draw us into a kind of mental compression. The never-ending hamster wheel of to‑do lists and overflowing inboxes that sometimes feels like opening Pandora’s box. We know we need space, but we tell ourselves we’ll take it later. This week marked my return to work after a month away from my computer, emails, and projects. I was aware, even before opening my laptop, that it might feel like lifting the lid off a bubbling pot of soup, that familiar sense of urgency, the feeling that everything needed attention all at once. Just anticipating it had my nervous system on edge. With it still being summer, and after having spent so much time outdoors over the past month, I decided that before sitting down to work, I would go for a short walk. Nothing ambitious. Just a chance to stretch my legs, walk the dog, and allow my thoughts to arrive gently. That twenty‑minute walk turned into an hour‑long wander down to the bay at low tide… and a spontaneous dip in the ice‑cold Atlantic. Somewhere between the sea air and the shock of cold water, my to‑do list rearranged itself. My body remembered how to settle. My breathing deepened. By the time I returned home and finally opened my computer, I felt resourced rather than overwhelmed. It was a quiet reminder of something I return to again and again in my work: tending to our most basic needs is not optional. It is foundational. Whether we are mothers, birth workers, caregivers, or simply human beings moving through full lives, regulation, safety, and presence are where everything else begins. That morning set the tone for my return and it filled me with renewed excitement for the offerings unfolding within the True Midwifery community. As we begin a new year of Study Spirals, I’m delighted to be welcoming my dear friend and longtime collaborator, Karin Slabaugh, for our first gathering. In this upcoming Study Spiral, we will explore the fundamental needs of the newborn and the delicate unfolding of the mother‑baby relationship in the first hours and days of life. Drawing on the wisdom of Maria Montessori and the insights of Michel Odent, Karin invites us to reflect on how birth and early adaptation shape what is often called Primal Health, the subtle interplay of hormonal, immune, and primal brain systems. Through this lens, we will consider what it means to create environments of zero separation and zero interruption: spaces where the newborn’s deep need for safety and serenity can unfold naturally, and where the quiet presence of attendants allows mother and baby to reconnect and begin life together in peace. If you are interested and would like to learn more about this upcoming spiral, and the programme for 2026 see HERE These reflections are not only about birth. They speak to a wider truth: that life thrives when we slow down, listen closely, and protect the conditions that allow connection to emerge. As I move back into work this year, I’m holding that morning by the sea as a compass. When the days feel full, go to nature.When the mind feels loud, return to the body.And when in doubt, tend first to what is most basic. With...
Read MoreClosing the Bones of 2025, Opening the Spiral of 2026
As this year draws to a close, I find myself reflecting on what it has meant to move through 2025 together, not just in content, but in relationship, presence, and shared inquiry. Our final Study Spiral of the year, Closing of the Bones & Honouring Lineage, arrived as a fitting threshold. It felt like a conscious closing of the bones of the year itself, an invitation to gather what has been lived, learned, and felt across the Study Spirals, and to allow it to settle. Closing of the Bones is an ancient rite found in many cultures, most widely recognised through Latin American traditions and the use of the rebozo. In our final gathering, we explored it not as a technique, but as a rite of passage, one that supports integration after birth, loss, illness, initiation, or profound life change. A central thread of the session, and of the year as a whole, has been lineage and integrity. We reflected on the responsibility that comes with receiving and passing on ancestral knowledge, and on how ancient wisdom can live in modern contexts without losing its soul. As the spiral widened, we spoke about rites of passage across the lifespan and the deep human need to be witnessed and held in community. What emerged clearly was this understanding: these thresholds are not meant to be walked alone. As I close the bones of 2025, I feel deep gratitude for this community, for the way it continues to flourish, nourish, and grow with each spiral. Thank you for the depth, care, and presence you bring. At the same time, I am quietly delighted to be opening the next turning of the spiral. The 2026 True Midwifery Study Spirals The 2026 Study Spirals will unfold as thirteen monthly gatherings held across the year. Together we will explore newborn care, reproductive health, birth justice and legal terrain, grief and creativity, elderhood, herbs, freebirth, and the reclamation of midwifery, always held within an intentional, respectful, global container. You can view the full 2026 schedule and details here:https://true-midwifery1.teachable.com/p/true-midwifery-study-spirals-2026 As we move toward the solstice and the festive season, True Midwifery will be entering a summer pause from 19 December to 19 January, honouring the seasonal rhythm here in South Africa. I am trusting this time of rest and integration, and looking forward to returning in the new year, ready to gather...
Read MoreReflections on Our Study Spiral Honouring Michel Odent
Last week’s Study Spiral, Peace on Earth Begins at Birth, was one of those gatherings that quietly settles into the bones. Days later, I am still carrying the tenderness and the sense of profound connection that arose as we came together to honour the life and legacy of Michel Odent, a man whose work has shaped, guided, and challenged so many of us walking the path of True Midwifery. There are moments in this work that feel like thresholds, where something subtle shifts in the collective field. This Spiral felt like one of them. A Visit From Liliana The most moving part of our time together was the presence of Liliana, Michel’s partner in life, birth, and death. With an honesty that was both steady and fragile, she shared a recent birth she attended, a story woven with sensitivity, intuition, and that unmistakable presence of someone who has lived and breathed birth for decades. She also spoke about the tenderness of Michel’s passing, her own grieving, and the intimacy of accompanying someone you have walked beside for so long. Her words did not come as teaching, but as transmission: a kind of living echo of Michel’s essence. We became, without needing to try, a circle of elephants, quietly standing with her, holding her experience, her remembering, and her love. In that moment, the Spiral became what it always hopes to be:a place where wisdom meets humanity, and where our collective holding becomes a form of care. The Lineage of Love and Attention One of Michel’s most important teachings — and one Liliana echoed — is this: “Birth is a story between two people — the mother and the baby.” It’s such a simple sentence. And yet, in a world where birth has become increasingly technologised, politicised, and crowded with opinions, this truth feels more radical than ever. The mother.The baby.Two nervous systems finding each other.Two bodies completing an ancient dance. Everything else is secondary. Our Spiral felt like a return to that simplicity, not in a nostalgic way, but in a deeply embodied, grounded way. A remembering of what is actually essential. Continuing Michel’s Care After the session, I reached out to thank Liliana and asked whether there was a charity or cause that reflected Michel’s values, something to which we could donate the proceeds of the gathering. Her answer surprised me with its sweetness. She told me that Michel had always been especially protective of the birds and squirrels in their neighbourhood in London. Feeding them was a daily ritual of kindness. She still continues this small act on his behalf. She suggested we donate to London Wildlife Protection, a local organisation that cares for urban wildlife. And so, in honour of Michel, that is exactly what we will do. I find something beautiful in this:that our Spiral community, gathered in his name, will help feed the birds and squirrels he loved. A simple, humble continuation of his care. An Invitation Into Our Final Spiral of 2025 As we close this year of Study Spirals, a year rich with learning, remembering, and returning to the roots of our craft, we have one final gathering remaining. And it is a special one. Closing the Bones with Jodi Jade In December, we welcome Jodi Jade, who will guide us into the lineage, history, and deeper purpose of the Traditional Mexican Closing of the Bones ceremony. This Spiral will be an exploration of: the origins of the Rebozothe wisdom of rites of passagehow ritual restores what modern life often fracturesthe variations and deep healing potential of Closing the Bonesand the essential elements of postpartum care and community holding It feels like...
Read MoreCarrying the Thread: A Soft Tribute to Michel Odent
As I prepare for my talk this coming Thursday, Peace on Earth Begins at Birth — Honouring the Work and Legacy of Michel Odent with Ruth Ehrhardt and Clara Scropetta, alongside my friend Clara Scropetta, I am filled with tender emotion.
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