Her Father’s Song
Beneath the hustle and bustle of the busy theatre there is a soft hum. It is her father’s song. It is a song and voice she recognises. She stops to listen. It has been a busy night and day. She and her mother have worked hard and now she has been cut from her mother’s womb. Her cord severed. A pipe stuck in her mouth and nose. Voices. Smells. Strange hands. Bright lights. Cold. And then placed on her mother’s chest and a towel placed over her. Her mother’s sweet smelling chest. Soft. Warm. Comforting. Soft touch. Gentle, loving voices. And then the song. A soft hum. It softly penetrates the clatter. The chatter. The competitive banter. The jovial joking. The hustle. The bustle. Green fabric. Beeping machines that seem to breathe. Bright lights. Fast, efficient movements. Talking. Instructions. Splatters of blood? Shiny instruments.Flashing. Pipes. Sucking. She is placed on her mother’s chest and the rhythm of her mother’s heartbeat is so familiar. And the smell so sweet and delicious. She looks around. She sniffs. She smells. She drools. She nuzzles. She is protected by her father’s song. A soft hum which seems to weave a protective spell around the mother, father and child. Even the doctor performing the surgery notices the magic of the father’s song and stops his chatter to listen. ...
Read MoreA Story of Surrogacy
I met her when she was pregnant with her fourth child and was planning her first home birth. I got to attend that birth as her doula – after three hospital births, this was a very different and empowering experience for her. She loved being pregnant and she loved giving birth but four children were enough for her and her family. She decided to take on being a surrogate mother – A woman who agrees to give birth to a child resulting from artificial insemination or the implantation of an already fertilised egg and who surrenders any parental rights to a third party. A big thing to decide to do but she felt very strongly that she wanted to do this for someone else. She met and carried the child for a single man. They became good friends and as she had trained as a doula as well, she was able to educate him on the options available in bringing his baby into the world. He went from wanting an elective caesarean for his child to attending hypnobirthing classes with her and planning a water birth in a hospital with midwives! I attended as her doula. She laboured well, but sadly, due to various circumstances, a cesarean became necessary. This mother who had birthed her babies (one of them breech) with no issues was suddenly wheeled to the theatre where for the first time, she underwent this operation. There was obviously a lot of emotional (and physical) recovery after this but she did say at one point that she felt that she felt that in order to be able to give the baby away, to not bond or attach herself to the baby, him being born via caesarean was necessary. A few years later, she chose to walk this road again with another couple, a couple who had lost their son in an accident. They were quite clear that they were taking no risks that their baby was to be born via elective caesarean. Again, I walked this path with her as her doula, and there was much processing about the previous birth and preparation for the imminent caesarean birth. One of the things she was able to request and implement was a ‘natural caesarean’. On the day of the caesarean, I fetched her from home. It was strange to be attending a birth that was scheduled – for both of us I think. We had planned to go for a walk together first. I took her to The Company’s Gardens and we walked and talked until we reached St.George’s Cathedral where we sat quietly for a while. Then we lit a candle each. Then we went to the hospital. I have to admit to it being one of the most beautiful, and dare I say, ‘holy’ caesarean births I have ever experienced. There was no idle chatter, everyone felt fully focused on this event – there was a real reverence for this gift that was being given. She even admitted that although she had been terrified of this second caesarean, it was actually a healing experience for her. She is now pregnant again for another couple. This time, it is twins! Again I will be attending as her doula and an obstetrician has agreed to assisting at a VBA2C (Vaginal Birth After 2 Caesareans) for twins. The parents are in agreement. We wait and see… Shared with...
Read MoreWhat is a Safe Birth?
What is a safe birth? We have made such fine advances. Birth is now very safe. And it becomes safer the quicker we can do a caesar and the younger we can rescue a premature baby. It really is incredible what we are able to do nowadays. And the focus is on that. To ensure that a birth is safe. Safe for the mother. Safe for they baby. They are alive. Because that is the most important. That they are alive. Of course, that is the most important. I think we can all agree on that. But is it? Or have we gone way, way, way over to one side, in one direction and forgotten about balance? Firstly, birth is never, and can never be 100% safe. Let’s face that. Scary. But oh so true. We want it to be. We so, so want it to be. Of course. But is that everything? Do we take away everything else to ensure it? Is that safe? What is a safe birth? Is a safe birth a birth where we ensure mother and baby are alive? Or is it one where a mother feels held and safe and looked after and cared for so that she can feel capable and able to hold and look after and care for her baby. Make her baby feel safe. She is the mother after all. The one who takes care of this child. Not us. We walk away. How do we ensure a balance of both worlds? A safe birth. Safe. Alive. Well. And a feeling of safety. Not traumatised and violated. But whole. Trusting. Empowered. And...
Read MoreMy First Unnecesarean
When I first became a doula I was quite naive. Yes, I had been given all the information and statistics during my training but there was a part of me that smugly believed I could ‘save’ any birthing situation with good intentions, homeopathic remedies and aromatherapy oils. *humble blush* I attended my first unnecesarean very soon after becoming a doula. I met with a young couple who were keen on a natural birth but in hospital. She had originally wanted a home water birth with midwives but he did not trust midwives and therefore they had chosen a female doctor who seemed to resonate with the young woman’s wish to birth physiologically. They had chosen (or rather, their medical aid had chosen) a hospital which was nicknamed Caesar’s Palace due to its alarmingly high c-section rate (anywhere between 80 – 100%). We went through their birthing plan, which was beautiful, and it was decided that I would join them at home in labour and that we would go through to the hospital once labour was strong and well established. They felt optimistic that with the birth preparation they had done attending an antenatal class and with the support of their doctor and myself, their birth plan would be successful. Simple right? They called me one early morning to tell me that her waters had broken and that the doctor had told them to come in to hospital as she needed monitoring. They would keep in touch with me. Luckily for her, her contractions started soon after her waters had broken and when I arrived at the hospital, she was already contracting regularly. I was taken aback by what I saw though, she was in a hospital gown (her birthing plan had explicitly expressed that she labour in her own clothes) and she was attached to a drip which was administering antibiotics (to ward off infection now that the waters have broken, I was told). Despite these obvious discomforts, this young woman used the breathing techniques she had learned and practiced in her antenatal classes and walked about the room, pushing the drip stand around as she laboured. At least she was not continuously strapped to a foetal heart monitor, but she did have to lie down every hour for twenty minutes or so to be monitored which was extremely uncomfortable for her. At one point a doctor came in to examine her. It was not the doctor she had built a relationship with, her doctor was unavailable and this new doctor (all in black and wearing a pearl necklace) would be taking care of her. My client tried to hide her disappointment and muttered that at least the new doctor was female. The new doctor examined her patient and declared that my client was already 4cm. The doctor congratulated my client on her progress and said she would be back in a few hours to check on my client again. We were pleased and for the next four hours, as the contractions grew stronger, the young woman continued to use her breathing techniques, and walked about the room listening to the music she had so carefully chosen for this special event. I rubbed her back and chatted to her husband who was sweetly supportive. A nurse came in every half hour or so and monitored the baby’s heart rate, checked her blood pressure and took her temperature and pulse. Labour seemed to be progressing, we were feeling positive. At one point I excused myself and went to the en suite loo. I heard the doctor coming in and when I came out of the bathroom...
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