What Happens When a Group of Women get Together?
On Saturday, inspired by Cape Town Embrace, a group of women, mostly mothers, from Scarborough and surrounds, arrived at Buyiswa‘s house on Red Hill, with some tea and cake and fruit and biscuits. Some of the mothers from the Red Hill settlement were there to meet us, some more trickled in. We sat in a circle in chairs, clutching our steaming cups of tea, children playing around us and we shared why we were there. Buyiswa, who was hosting us, has spearheaded the Red Hill Literacy Programme – a project which sprung from her sitting room. She saw a need for a space for some of the children to do their homework after school and that has grown into an after school literacy programme helped by volunteers, as well as a feeding scheme to make sure that these children did not have to learn on an empty stomach. This programme is now a registered NPO and Buyiswa has won a Lead SA Award for her work. Victoria, Buyiswa’s neighbour and friend, joined her on this project and now helps run the literacy project. The women from Scarborough were all there because they all wanted to help somehow but did not know how to begin or who to approach. This was an opportunity to meet with some of the women on Red Hill to find out what some of the issues and needs were…and to meet and chat. And to meet and chat. Some of the women from Red Hill are unemployed or are single mothers supporting many family members on very little. The needs are simple, yet complex. Food. Rain jackets for children. School fees for the young children in the creche. They need the internet for the Literacy Project. Driver’s licenses – there is no reliable public transport. Building permission is needed for one woman’s house to change the roof (the old roof leaks, she needs special permission but does not know where to go to get this, if she changes it without permission, they will tear it down…at present her roof leaks onto her bed. She actually has the building materials to fix it but needs the permission first). A rape counsellor is needed. We discussed the possibility of opening up the clinic for an extra day for the pregnant women and the babies. At present, it only opens once a week for vaccinations. An offer was made to help start a vegetable garden. Connections were made and we meet again in two weeks time to chat further. Buyiswa sent me a text last night simply saying: “That was amazing.” And it was. Simple but amazing. So what happens when a group of women get together? Let’s see… If you would like to connect or help somehow, please let me...
Read MoreWhat is a Safe Birth?
What is a safe birth? We have made such fine advances. Birth is now very safe. And it becomes safer the quicker we can do a caesar and the younger we can rescue a premature baby. It really is incredible what we are able to do nowadays. And the focus is on that. To ensure that a birth is safe. Safe for the mother. Safe for they baby. They are alive. Because that is the most important. That they are alive. Of course, that is the most important. I think we can all agree on that. But is it? Or have we gone way, way, way over to one side, in one direction and forgotten about balance? Firstly, birth is never, and can never be 100% safe. Let’s face that. Scary. But oh so true. We want it to be. We so, so want it to be. Of course. But is that everything? Do we take away everything else to ensure it? Is that safe? What is a safe birth? Is a safe birth a birth where we ensure mother and baby are alive? Or is it one where a mother feels held and safe and looked after and cared for so that she can feel capable and able to hold and look after and care for her baby. Make her baby feel safe. She is the mother after all. The one who takes care of this child. Not us. We walk away. How do we ensure a balance of both worlds? A safe birth. Safe. Alive. Well. And a feeling of safety. Not traumatised and violated. But whole. Trusting. Empowered. And...
Read MoreLast Week we Gathered to Chat About Home Birth
We do this every three months here in Cape Town, in a lovely home in the seaside village of Muizenberg. Lana and I have been running these gatherings for the last five years. They were born out of a need and a desperation to provide support and information to those seeking direction and advice around this obscure birthing option and the gatherings have gained a momentum of their own. When we first started them we would work so hard to spread the word, posting flyers to all the midwives and interested antenatal teachers. We would arrange speakers and explore themes. We would advertise and spread the word and we would always lose money running them but loved it and loved the responses and stories we got. They were always worth it. And then something shifted. The gatherings grew. And so did the stories. And the variety and range of people who came. It has become such a safe space to listen and share. Mothers, fathers, doulas, midwives, interested parties attend and all seem to leave humbled and moved. As do we. Every time. Mothers share their birthing experiences, their eyes still glowing with oxytocin. These women, these strong strong women, share what made them feel strong and empowered. They share their vulnerable and beautiful stories to a hungry audience, an audience who needs affirmation and support in the choices they are making. “Stories teach us in ways we can remember. They teach us that each woman responds to birth in her unique way and how very wide-ranging that way can be. Sometimes they teach us about silly practices once widely held that were finally discarded. They teach us the occasional difference between accepted medical knowledge and the real bodily experiences that women have – including those that are never reported in medical textbooks nor admitted as possibilities in the medical world. They also demonstrate the mind/body connection in a way that medical studies cannot. Birth stories told by women who were active participants in giving birth often express a good deal of practical wisdom, inspiration, and information for other women. Positive stories shared by women who have had wonderful childbirth experiences are an irreplaceable way to transmit knowledge of a woman’s true capacities in pregnancy and birth.” – Ina May Gaskin I feel honoured and blessed to be part of these gatherings every three months. I do wish we could run them more often but for now, every three months will have to do. Thanks again to all who come and share....
Read MoreI Never Want to go Near That Hospital Again!
I never want to go near that hospital again! Strong words said by a mother… Then another mother says to me, “There’s no way I’m going to the hospital!” And then another mother says, “I don’t want to go to the hospital for even one check up. Everyone I know ends up with caesareans…” Three different mothers. Three very different scenarios. Three very different backgrounds. Three different belief systems. And yet this very strong underlying feeling from all three. And all in the same week. What do I do? What do I say in these situations? I sit and write this whilst waiting for my students to arrive. I am part of a group of women who teach the 4th and 5th-year medical students ‘compassion’ as part of their obstetric training. It is a programme that was started several years ago by midwife Robyn Sheldon. The students arrive and I put away my pencil and notebook. They are chatting amongst themselves. I hear the words, “I am so tired.” repeated several times. We begin the tutorial by sitting quietly and comfortably in chairs in a circle. The pressure is off and all we need to do is observe our individual breath as it moves in and out of our nostrils. We allow ourselves to just be. We observe or thoughts, emotions and feelings as they arise and drift in and out of us. We note the hustle and bustle taking place around us in the hospital. The clanging. The announcements. The hurried footsteps. The cars in the road outside. We notice these things but each time we go back to our breath, allowing that to be our centre and anchor. After some time, we open our eyes. Now it feels like we have truly arrived. It feels like we are truly present and can now truly see each other. We begin the tutorial by going around the circle and checking in. How has their week been in the labour ward? One by one, we go around the circle and what I hear is distressing story after distressing story. They are exhausted. They feel overwhelmed. They do not like how they are being treated and they cannot bear how the women in labour are being treated. They cannot wait for this part of their training to be over. Some had really looked forward to being in the labour ward and being part of birth and babies, bringing new life into the world. But right now, it feels like a war zone and something they need to get through and survive. I tell them briefly about the blog post I was working on when they came in and the title, I never want to go near that hospital again! I tell them about the three different women who shared these sentiments in three different settings and all in the same week. I say it is a pity because, in an ideal world, these women would live in a society where they could trust and feel supported by the health care system. What has happened when seeking help from places meant to heal and support comes as a last resort? Or is stressful and traumatic? Or something to be avoided at all costs? We discuss this further for some time when one student pipes up, “You can add one more person to your blog post who never wants to go near a hospital again, a fourth-year medical...
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