What does it mean to be a Silent Birthkeeper?
It is nearly a year since my dear teacher, mentor and friend Michel Odent passed away. In the weeks and months after his death, I found myself returning to his books. I remember lying in bed one evening reading The Functions of the Orgasms when I came across these words: “It will take a long time to rediscover the importance of silence and to accept that the dominant quality of a midwife should be her capacity to keep her mouth shut.” I sat up in bed and laughed out loud. It felt so quintessentially Michel. Almost as though he was speaking from beyond the grave and making it very clear that one of the key components of being a trusted guardian of birth is knowing how to be quiet. So much of birth work is focused on doing. What should we do? What should we say? How should we reassure? How should we support? And yet one of the key components of creating an optimal environment for physiology to do her dance may simply be to… as Michel so aptly put it… is to shut up… But silence is about so much more than not talking. Silence also has to do with our internal state. All that chatter we tend to carry around as human beings. Can we sit quietly with ourselves before we attempt to do that for another? When we are in conversation with someone, can we simply listen? Can we be fully present without judgement or criticism, without planning our own response or thinking about what we might say next? Can we open our hearts and simply receive another human being as she is? With, dare I say it, love? Perhaps this is where the practice of being a Silent Birthkeeper begins. Silence is not passivity. A Silent Birthkeeper is not a passive birthkeeper. Nor is she an indifferent one. Nothing could be further from the truth. A Silent Birthkeeper is deeply present. She is attuned to the rhythms, sounds, smells and movements of labour. She understands that for a woman to birth her baby, there is a vital life force that needs to move through her, and that this needs to be protected. Another phrase Michel exclaimed again and again was: “The keyword is protection!” A Silent Birthkeeper is a protector of birth and of the birthing process. She understands, in the words of Liliana Lammers, that: “Birth is a story between two people: the mother and the baby.” And she learns to discern the difference between doing nothing because she is afraid or doesn’t know what to do, and doing nothing because nothing needs to be done. There is an enormous difference. The basic needs are simple. Living them is not. The basic needs of a woman in labour are remarkably simple. And yet they can be surprisingly difficult to protect because, as human beings, we so often want to do. We want to help. Reassure. Rescue. Feel useful. The Silent Birthkeeper asks something else of us. To become deeply attuned while learning to prowl the perimeter of the birthing field as protectors of what is unfolding. Perhaps you are curious about what this looks like in practice. Come and gather with us on 20 August On Thursday 20 August, I am holding a free online information gathering for anyone who feels curious about the Silent Birthkeeper and would like to understand more. We will meet for one hour, from 11:00–12:00 SAST. We will share more about the immersion, how our year together unfolds and what we explore, and there will be space for...
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“Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.” – Max Ehrmann, “Desiderata“ With every birth I walk away with something new. or what I know to be true is reiterated or reconfirmed. What peace there is in silence… How those words resonate as I sit behind the young mother gently pressing on the part of her back that she has indicated is needing a gentle touch as she lies on her side labouring. Her friend…who has been with her all night sleeps behind me. We don’t speak. We convey everything purely through our bodies and through touch. Our communication is through the silence and respect and reverence we have for this process. The wind howls and the windows rattle. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it...
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