In This Moment I can Only Love you.
In this moment I can only love you. I can only be there for you. Open my heart. And just be. Open. Empty. You grip my hand, tightly, your nails digging into my flesh. You are on your knees, on the floor. Your body bearing down. All concepts and ideas of how to birth are gone and all you can do is just be with your body. Allow your body to just take over. I am here. And yet I am not. I try to disappear because the space you are taking up is huge. Massive. The universe groans as it makes space for you to birth this baby. It does feel as though time suspends itself. It really does. Nothing else can exist in this moment. I have to become nothing. Empty. Open hearted. Here. and nowhere else. For you. You are incredible. Amazing. Did you know that you were capable of this? I am in awe. In this moment. I can only love...
Read MoreAdvanced Doula Workshop in Portugal
Alex and I connected for the first time around nine years ago and the reason we connected was around birth and midwifery. We are not quite sure where and when it was that we first heard of one another but I do remember hearing via various whispered sources about this brave young French woman who was living very simply on a very isolated farm in the Eastern Cape, South Africa, and who had chosen to give give birth unassisted to her first baby. (You can read the story of Alex’s second birth, also a free birth, outdoors in the Eastern Cape, here). Alex and I first chatted online. I was pregnant with my third child. We discussed our births and shared our dreams of one day becoming midwives. Alex was the first person to ever tell me about Lotus Birth and highly recommended I try this for my next birth. I imagined birthing in a room filled with scented flowers, visualising myself opening like a flower for the sun to birth my baby. I have to admit, I was slightly disappointed to find out that all a Lotus Birth required was not cutting the cord of the baby and waiting the 5-7 days for the cord to naturally fall off. Alex, along with her husband Yan, and their good friend Ole, pioneered the intentional community Khula Dhamma, initially founded on Vipassana principles. Over the years, our families met regularly, both in Cape Town and at Khula Dhamma and needless to say, Alex and my conversation would steer towards birth and midwifery. We shared our stories and experiences and always, we strongly resonated regarding birth and our implicit trust in women’s abilities to unlock (when given the opportunity) something deep and powerful within themselves. Four years ago, Alex and her family left South Africa and lived in Brazil for two years before finally settling in Portugal. Alex has been inviting me to come and visit for a long time and when she heard I was going to teach in Spain she invited me to come and teach some of the doulas in her area too. So after my ten-day teaching stint at De-a-luz in Spain, I traveled on three busses to the Algarve in Portugal. So this last weekend, doulas from Portugal came and we discussed mostly our experience of birth(amazing how birth-y people never seem to tire of this subject!), spoke about creating the optimal environment for a a fetus ejection reflex and physiological birth, and learned some skills around resuscitating babies as well as some basic but essential obstetric emergency skills. The question was asked as to why these would be skills a doula should learn since a doula’s role is to provide non-medical support to the mother. The answer is quite simple: The World Health Organisation states that one million babies die each year from birth asphyxia (an inability to breathe at birth) and recommends that every birth have an attendant skilled in neonatal resuscitation. If you are attending births regularly, you may find yourself in a situation where a baby is not breathing, or where a mother is bleeding more than usual, or has a prolapsed cord…You may be alone with her, or you may be at a home birth with a midwife, or driving in a car, or even be in a hospital. You may be the only one who can deal with that situation right then and there before the mother and baby can be transported to hospital, or you may need to assist, or you may just need to support a mother and her family during...
Read MoreUnder the Shade of an Olive Tree, Midwives Gather in Spain
Firstly, it’s bloody hot here at Da-a-Luz. That I have to say. Dry, sweltering heat that leaves you sweating at the slightest movement once the sun is up. Yummy food sourced mainly from the local gardens and surrounding farms, goat’s milk, cheeses, honey, pears, aubergines, watermelons, zucchini, olives and olive oil. So good. I sit, writing this by candlelight in the caravan I am staying in…the sun has finally set and with it a bit of cool and the sounds of the crickets descend. I have just returned from collecting water from the spring with midwife Fiona and student midwives Hannah and Jennifer…we also cooled our feet after a long day of neonatal resuscitation training. For the past week, midwives and student midwives have gathered on cushions under the shade of an olive tree, sharing their stories, fears, hopes, dreams and hopes of births for the women they serve. And themselves. One thing is clear: midwives are frustrated at the state of how births are run in this world. They are shocked and angry at the soaring caesarean and intervention rates. When was it that institutions became the places to manage and control this mostly straightforward and holy life event? What I have learned is this: – get a bunch of midwives together and they will find endless birth related things to talk about, debate and discuss, from the complicated to the ecstatic, from the outrageous to the most undemanding. Sharing techniques, pearls of wisdom and skills. And midwives do not seem to grow weary of this subject either. But midwives and midwifery students feel tired and defeated too. Innately, they believe in women’s ability to give birth to their babies, but many midwives are tired of fighting against the systems that constantly claim this right. But there is something truly magical and inspiring that happens when midwives are given the time to get together and share and support one another in this time old profession they hold so dear. It is as though the little spark of hope that sometimes feels that it may be dying is fanned by the love and strength of other birth keepers. If there is anything I can recommend, it is for midwives to regularly gather to share in a non-judgemental setting. At the end of the day, we all want the same thing. Safe, empowering, beautiful births for the mothers and babies we serve....
Read MoreWhat is a Safe Birth?
What is a safe birth? We have made such fine advances. Birth is now very safe. And it becomes safer the quicker we can do a caesar and the younger we can rescue a premature baby. It really is incredible what we are able to do nowadays. And the focus is on that. To ensure that a birth is safe. Safe for the mother. Safe for they baby. They are alive. Because that is the most important. That they are alive. Of course, that is the most important. I think we can all agree on that. But is it? Or have we gone way, way, way over to one side, in one direction and forgotten about balance? Firstly, birth is never, and can never be 100% safe. Let’s face that. Scary. But oh so true. We want it to be. We so, so want it to be. Of course. But is that everything? Do we take away everything else to ensure it? Is that safe? What is a safe birth? Is a safe birth a birth where we ensure mother and baby are alive? Or is it one where a mother feels held and safe and looked after and cared for so that she can feel capable and able to hold and look after and care for her baby. Make her baby feel safe. She is the mother after all. The one who takes care of this child. Not us. We walk away. How do we ensure a balance of both worlds? A safe birth. Safe. Alive. Well. And a feeling of safety. Not traumatised and violated. But whole. Trusting. Empowered. And...
Read MoreBirth and Death
Birth and Death. Two words we do not like to see together. To put them together makes us feel uncomfortable. Birth is about life. The beginning and emergence of a new existence. It is about newness. The beginning. What do we associate with birth? Love. Light. Joy. Life. A new beginning. Who wants to think about death at a time of birth? Death is about illness and sadness and loss. It does not evoke beauty and joy. It is something we try to avoid. Death is so final. It is something we do not wish to associate with birth. But in my experience, birth and death seem infinitely intertwined. The feelings the two evoke are so similar. One brings intense sadness and a sense of loss, and the other brings intense joy, but both have the same underlying feeling of being wide open and vulnerable and confused. Both need nurturing and safety. Both bring on a sense of being in an altered state, a state of being in touch with something greater and more infinite than ourselves. Both bring things into perspective, make clear what is important, valuable, precious to us. Both make life incredibly tangible and real. This week it will be eight years since my mother, my sister, and my stepfather were all killed in a car accident. When I lost so many members of my family, the feelings that came up, were so very similar to the times when I had given birth. The intense pain, the vulnerability and the incredible lightness and insight into the life process. And the feeling of being on the threshold of something… My friend Caitlyn visited me some time after the accident, and while I lay curled up on my sofa feeling sad, she folded laundry and brought me soup. Some time later, she told me that she had been at a loss as to what to do in that situation. She drew on her experience of attending births and thought that she would do what she would do for someone who had just given birth. I remember how grounding and comforting the familiarity of that simple gesture was. It did not take away the rawness of the pain I was experiencing, but it did provide a safe space for me to experience it in. These days, I spend a lot of time attending births. I wipe sweaty brows with a cool cloth, I breathe with women, I hold them, I move with them. I am there. I am witness to this incredibly vulnerable state, this time that can reach a point where it feels like she is looking death in the face. I am there to create a feeling of safety, to remind them that they are going through this process to bring forth...
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