I met her when she was pregnant with her fourth child and was planning her first home birth. I got to attend that birth as her doula – after three hospital births, this was a very different and empowering experience for her.
She loved being pregnant and she loved giving birth but four children were enough for her and her family.
She decided to take on being a surrogate mother – A woman who agrees to give birth to a child resulting from artificial insemination or the implantation of an already fertilised egg and who surrenders any parental rights to a third party. A big thing to decide to do but she felt very strongly that she wanted to do this for someone else.
She met and carried the child for a single man. They became good friends and as she had trained as a doula as well, she was able to educate him on the options available in bringing his baby into the world. He went from wanting an elective caesarean for his child to attending hypnobirthing classes with her and planning a water birth in a hospital with midwives! I attended as her doula.
She laboured well, but sadly, due to various circumstances, a cesarean became necessary. This mother who had birthed her babies (one of them breech) with no issues was suddenly wheeled to the theatre where for the first time, she underwent this operation.
There was obviously a lot of emotional (and physical) recovery after this but she did say at one point that she felt that she felt that in order to be able to give the baby away, to not bond or attach herself to the baby, him being born via caesarean was necessary.
A few years later, she chose to walk this road again with another couple, a couple who had lost their son in an accident. They were quite clear that they were taking no risks that their baby was to be born via elective caesarean.
Again, I walked this path with her as her doula, and there was much processing about the previous birth and preparation for the imminent caesarean birth. One of the things she was able to request and implement was a ‘natural caesarean’.
On the day of the caesarean, I fetched her from home. It was strange to be attending a birth that was scheduled – for both of us I think.
We had planned to go for a walk together first.
I took her to The Company’s Gardens and we walked and talked until we reached St.George’s Cathedral where we sat quietly for a while. Then we lit a candle each.
Then we went to the hospital.
I have to admit to it being one of the most beautiful, and dare I say, ‘holy’ caesarean births I have ever experienced. There was no idle chatter, everyone felt fully focused on this event – there was a real reverence for this gift that was being given.
She even admitted that although she had been terrified of this second caesarean, it was actually a healing experience for her.
She is now pregnant again for another couple. This time, it is twins! Again I will be attending as her doula and an obstetrician has agreed to assisting at a VBA2C (Vaginal Birth After 2 Caesareans) for twins. The parents are in agreement.
We wait and see…
Shared with permission.
