This past week, our community lost a young man.
He was nineteen years old.
A friend of both of my sons. In fact, he and my youngest son were born just a day apart.
Like so many who knew him, I have found myself carrying a mixture of sadness, confusion and unanswered questions. By all accounts he was well liked. A young man with friends. A young man with a future. A young man who seemed to have so much going for him.
And yet, for reasons known only to him, the weight of what he was carrying became too much.
As a mother, this loss has touched me deeply.
As a birth attendant, it has touched me in a different way.
The day we learned of his death, I had just returned from attending a beautiful birth.
A little boy had been born gently through the water into his mother’s loving arms. Later he rested skin-to-skin on his father’s chest, welcomed by a family overflowing with love, wonder and belonging.
As I sat with the news of this young man’s death, I found myself holding these two images side by side.
A newborn baby boy entering the world.
A nineteen-year-old young man leaving it.
Between those two moments lies an entire lifetime.
Every man was once a baby.
Every man was once held.
Every man somebody’s son.
Every man once arrived carrying his own unique gifts, dreams and possibilities.
And yet we are living in a time when many boys and young men are struggling.
Loneliness is increasing.
Rates of anxiety and depression are rising.
Many young men feel uncertain about where they belong, what is expected of them, and where they can safely bring their fears, grief and vulnerability.
As a mother of two sons, I often find myself wondering what it means to raise boys in this world.
What helps a boy grow into a man who feels welcome here?
What helps him know that he belongs?
What helps him trust that he can ask for help when he needs it?
I do not have answers.
But I do believe these are questions worth asking.
Perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can offer our sons is not advice, solutions or certainty.
Perhaps it is relationship.
Perhaps it is presence.
Perhaps it is creating families, friendships and communities where boys and men know they can arrive exactly as they are.
Not only when they are successful.
Not only when they are strong.
Not only when they have everything figured out.
But also when they are struggling.
When they are lost.
When they are hurting.
When they need help.
Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month invites us to have conversations that are often difficult and uncomfortable.
But perhaps these conversations are necessary.
Not because we have all the answers, but because silence has never been a good companion to suffering.
If you are reading this and carrying something heavy, please know that you do not have to carry it alone.
Reach out.
Speak to a friend.
Speak to a family member.
Speak to a counsellor.
Speak to someone.
And if you are the parent, sibling, partner or friend of a young man, perhaps today is a good day to reach out.
Not because you suspect something is wrong.
But because connection matters.
Because belonging matters.
Because our sons matter.
To this young man, whose life touched so many people, and to every boy and man who may be struggling silently today:
You matter.
Your life matters.
And to his family, friends and loved ones, who now carry the weight of this loss, may you be held gently in the days, months and years ahead. May you find comfort in the love that surrounds you, and may his memory continue to live on in the many lives he touched.
The world needs our sons.
May we create a world that helps them know it.
South African Support Resources
South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG)
- Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0800 567 567
- Mental Health Helpline: 0800 456 789
- WhatsApp (Mental Health Support): 076 882 2775
LifeLine South Africa
- Counselling Line: 0861 322 322
Childline South Africa
- 116 (for children and adolescents)
Netcare Akeso Crisis Line
- 0861 435 787
International Resources
United States & Canada
- Call or text 988 (Suicide & Crisis Lifeline)
United Kingdom & Ireland
- Samaritans
- Call 116 123
Australia
- Lifeline Australia
- Call 13 11 14
International Directory
- FindAHelpline.org
(A searchable directory of crisis and mental health support services around the world.)
Additional Organisations Specifically Supporting Men
These are not crisis lines, but they are valuable communities for men seeking connection and support:
