Hello Darkness my old friend
So the uterus, amongst all the other marvellous things it does (“There is no other organ quite like the uterus. If men had such an organ they would brag about it. So should we.” – Ina May Gaskin), apparently ALSO has melatonin receptors attached to it. These receptors work in conjunction with good ol’ oxytocin, aiding the contractions of the uterus, which dilate the cervix and, if undisturbed, will elicit a foetus ejection reflex . Melatonin is the hormone that anticipates the daily onset of darkness and cannot be secreted when it is light. Which is why we need to switch off lights and screens, to fall asleep. Seems we need darkness to go into labour too…which is probably why most labours begin at night and why most call outs for midwives are during the witching hour. It is important that there are no bright lights around a labouring woman. Drawn curtains, candles and other dim lighting will help aid in the stimulation of oxytocin. How do other mammals prepare for birth? They will find a quiet, dark place, far away from anyone, somewhere where they will feel safe and secure and know that they will be undisturbed. We often forget that we humans are mammals too. We are above all of that by now aren’t we? What with all our technology and higher thinking and sophistication? But when a woman goes into labour, her body responds like every other mammal who seeks safety, comfort, protection, warmth and darkness to give birth. A birth I attended recently, saw me arriving to a woman in labour in her bedroom. Her two year old son slept on her bed while her husband sat and watched television in the next room. The bedroom light was on, a stark, white light from a naked bulb. There was no bedside light or a dimmer light available. I asked the father if he had any candles in the house and we made some makeshift candle holders using stainless steel cups and sand and set those up in the bedroom. And then we turned off the lights. It was as though the room breathed out all its tension as the room warmed with the golden glow of the flickering candle light and the mother was able to go into that mammal state that she needed to be in to birth her baby. She had a mattress on the floor and now lay down there and began to moan softly. Labour sped up.Ten minutes later her waters broke and five minutes after that I was handing her her daughter. So simple…and yet so overlooked. Isn’t it interesting the way most labour wards are still so brightly lit, and all for the convenience of the caregiver? For what other purpose does it...
Read MoreEvery Mother is a Goddess
In her book Misconceptions: Truth, Lies, and the Unexpected on the Journey to Motherhood, feminist writer and mother, Naomi Wolf speaks about her experience of becoming a mother for the first time. One of the things she wrote that stood out for me was how this highly regarded intellectual, academic, writer, author, woman, suddenly found herself to be an unseen person. She was walking down the street with her infant, and one of her students walked right past her, did not recognise her, in fact, the student did not even see her. I know that before I gave birth, I did not value mothers or motherhood in the way I did after I gave birth for the first time. I loved my mother and I respected her, but I do not think that I fully valued or saw who she was and what she had done to bring me into this world. During my first labour, I remember my mother’s eyes, soft, dark, familiar, slightly concerned, loving, strong, holding me, carrying me through this experience. And I remember at one point asking her, “How the hell did you do this four times?” She smiled, then laughed softly, shook her head and said, “I don’t know…” And continued to hold me with her gentle touch and soft eyes. After I gave birth for the first time I was high, the love hormone oxytocin coursing through my entire being. The world melted away and the importance of anything beyond the little bubble of warm cosy devotion I inhabited with my newborn son, evaporated. Everything dissolved, except for my deep connection, regard, admiration, and respect for all mothers in the world. I saw mothers and motherhood in a new light and I wanted to bow at the feet of all motherhood. I could feel their sweat, their pain, their love. And any mother who had given birth more than once, was most certainly a goddess. Her work, her love, was beyond my comprehension and understanding. I was in awe. Standing on the other end of having given birth four times myself (and that lovely strong bolus of oxytocin long having left my system) and now having attended numerous births, I feel very strongly that our work as those present at births is to mother the new mother. When a woman births, not only is a baby being born, but so is a mother. How we treat her will affect how she feels about herself as a mother and as a parent. Be gentle. Be kind. Listen. She knows best. She is the mother of this child after all. Or as the mother of midwifery, Ina May Gaskin so eloquently put it: ”If a woman doesn’t look like a goddess during labor, then someone isn’t treating her right.” Happy Mother’s Day…to all the...
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